Our Members Speak Out

Since many of you are smack dab in the middle of the summer wedding season, here is a rerun of a question regarding hosting weddings. Do you have any tips to add?

You were asked: Do you host weddings at your inn? If not, why not? If yes, what are your secrets for success?

The Pros

"We have hosted several small weddings, and all were wonderful. The best one was my own wedding, just four years ago. We had a small private ceremony in the back yard, and I couldn't complain to anyone but myself if things went awry! A childhood friend also was married here last winter, which was a special treat. As little girls, we both admired this stately home and wanted to fix it up one day. My wish was granted 11 years ago, and she was also able to reap the rewards with a beautiful small winter wedding that resulted in fairytale pictures. Wonderful weddings take tons of work, and although all my wedding guests have been very appreciative, I am always apprehensive about hosting more!" Jonna, Olde World B&B and Tea Room, Dover, OH

"While our inn was still under construction, we started getting requests to host weddings. We checked out other places that did weddings, and decided to charge a fee of $350 for use of the lodge, excluding food. Our third wedding was catered by a local deli, which sent a biker and his biker chick to serve and clean up. They hung out on our deck smoking and smooching while we did all the work, keeping the food flowing and cleaning up. Later, I learned that the caterer was paid $1,200, while we did all the work for $350. We quickly learned that the money is in the catering, not the venue, and immediately raised our price to $1,700, including a finger food buffet. We don't do as many weddings now, but that's OK by us. Weddings are very trying; the guests are emotional and can be more high-strung than an Irish Setter on speed. Some tips:

• Have strict rules for kids' behavior, and make them very clear to the bride-to-be. Handcuffs and gags would be effective, but are not legal in most states.

• We require all five of our guest rooms to be booked by the wedding party for the night before and the night of the event (rack rates, plus fee for wedding itself.)

• Charge extra (and never give a discount) if they want to pay someone else (especially a friend) to cater. You don't want a stranger running around your kitchen, half prepared, chopping carrots with a Bowie knife on your new countertops. Better to do it all yourself.

• Lastly, keep your price high enough so you can pleasantly deal with the occasional berserk mother-in-law-to-be. We just look at each other and say, Ka Ching! (as in the sound of a cash register)."

Editor: "Don't you get comments from some couples who claim that saying 'I do' at the Liars' Lodge doesn't count?
Innkeeper: "Yes, we do, mostly from the guys. One bride-to-be made a wooden sign saying "Lovers' Lodge" and put it over ours." Carl & Connie Bauer, Liars' Lodge B&B, Buena Vista, CO

"We hold intimate courtyard weddings for up to 50 people at our four-room B&B. The weddings and/or receptions are all held outside. We furnish the tables and chairs, so we don't have to sit around all day waiting for the rental companies to drop off or pick them up. The kitchen is available for food warming (no prep) to caterers or for restaurant food. We only allow wine or champagne on the premises for a wedding toast or with the meal. We watch for excess drinking and make sure there are designated drivers. We no longer allow beer or a DJ; those two create trouble and a lot of noise. We do allow decorating but they must check with us ahead of time to make sure they know how to mount items. No nails or screws.

"If it's a late afternoon wedding, the wedding party must rent all our guest rooms, preferably for two nights. We charge $1,000 plus tax for up to 50 people; this does not include guest rooms. The deposit holds the date and becomes the damage deposit. I have only had two incidents where I kept part of the deposit, and have never had a cancellation. The wedding has to be paid in full one month before the ceremony. We really enjoy these small weddings." Norm & Sue Gregory, Hacienda Manzanal Bed and Breakfast, Corrales, NM

The Cons

"Our landscape lends itself to weddings, and we hosted several during our first five years here. The first wedding occurred because friends of ours knew an older couple who were getting married, he for the second time, she for the first. It was a wonderful experience; everyone was gracious and fun to work with. We were even invited to attend as guests, a lovely surprise.

"Maybe we should have stuck with older couples. When the younger ones started coming, although the bridal couples were lovely, the parents were not. Finally, after one mother expected 200 guests to use the bathrooms inside our B&B instead of the clean, white portable toilets, we decided that we were not doing any more weddings. We have one last commitment for July, and that will be our swan song. Weddings are too much aggravation for the income they generate." Wendy A Duvall, Country Life Bed & Breakfast, Greenwich, NY

"No, I do not host weddings at my B&B. In researching B&Bs from Iowa to California, I was told many wedding war stories: wax and/or food on the carpet, too many people, horrible clean ups. I decided not to go after that market, but thought it would be OK to host wedding parties. Wrong! On one unpleasant occasion, the bride was frantic. She couldn't find her earrings, was mad at her Mom, and was about to explode. While her attendants tried to calm her, I searched for earrings to loan her. When they finally left for the wedding in the limo I was glad to see them go. At breakfast the next morning, everyone was spent, exhausted, and hung over. No one seemed to be enjoying each other or the breakfast I had prepared.

"Did I learn my lesson? No. I accepted another reservation from another wedding family. What harm would it do to host the bride's family? Well, they took over the house, inviting all the relatives staying at other B&Bs to come join them at our B&B. Unfortunately, the people they invited acted like they were at a hotel and were careless with food, trash, little kids' sticky fingers, and more.

"Hopefully, I have learned my lesson. When asked to rent the whole house, I explain that they can rent all the guest rooms, but that the house is not large enough for parties, and that food cannot be catered in. My B&B is my home that I share with others wanting to enjoy the experience I have to offer." Nila Haug, Golden Haug B&B, Iowa City, IA
 

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